Back to the self

I was not feeling well. The rigorous coughing started once I lied down. My hands and legs were getting weak as if there is no blood flow to these parts. It started hurting me. Must be the medicines I was taking for my severe cold and cough. I sat up from my bed often to cough to my hearts content and lied down again to sleep. Soon it was morning and I woke up to help the kids get ready for school. I decided to take a nap after having breakfast and morning dose of medicines.

By 10:30, I was back in the bed. Body was tired and wants to rest. The sun was shining through the windows and sneaking in through the curtains. The roads have gotten busy and the noise of vehicles passing became painful for the ears. The phone was notifying me of the messages and Facebook updates coming in. I decided to ignore it until this afternoon. Construction in nearby plots – seemed they are keen to finish the whole building by today. By this time our local hero also has arrived – fish vendor Sukumaran. He comes in a mini bike, armed with a horn that can be heard miles away. He is keener than the construction workers to sell all his fish in a record time. He can be seen blowing the horn in between serving his existing customers.

I am still in bed trying to take a nap. With closed eyes, straight posture I was listening to all these sounds. A few minutes later, the sun was not bothering me. The sounds of the vehicles seemed distant. Sukumaran and construction workers were still merciless. Few more minutes passed by. I couldn’t hear the fish horn anymore. Maybe today was his luck day and he sold all his fish to the first customer. Only the hammering, pounding and drilling sounds. Since I had my eyes closed for a while now, it felt like the construction was happening within me. I started imagining.

What if I am myself building a road that leads somewhere? I started clearing the mountainous path and making way. If its a small path, one can walk through. But vehicles cannot pass through. Maybe animals can walk through. I kept moving in that single lane and saw that there is an exotic place at the end of this road. Will need a tiny bridge at the end of the road. I hurriedly cleared the path to make a small road. Built a small bridge – didn’t work on the details – just jumped from the bridge to the exotic land. Lost myself.

The place was filled with lush greenery, beautiful flowers that smelled great. There were tall trees that gave shade and resting place. The pond had lilies and lotus in full bloom. The fish in the pond seemed to be very happy and swam around. Butterflies were flying in groups and enjoying the nectar of the flowers in the garden. Cool breeze from  the south caressed my hair and carried the wonderful aroma of blooms in the air.

Don’t know how long I was there. Was awakened by a phone call. The first thing I felt was jumping back into that road I built using the bridge. Looked back to see that the road and bridge are broken and closed again. Need to build them again if I wanted to go to that exotic place. I don’t remember now what I saw or heard in that special place – but would like to go back there again and enjoy that feeling.

The roads were busy again, construction going strong. Sun was getting hotter and shining with vengeance.

I realize I need to build permanent roads and bridges within myself to the exotic land which is also within myself so that I can stay there peacefully and come back into our worldly place only whenever needed.




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